How did you come to accept your bisexuality? What was that process like?

I was VERY young when I first realized that I was attracted to the same gender and the opposite gender both sexually and romantically.

I was raised by rather liberal parents and I've grown up around a lot of gay men and when I was a young kid my mom caught me naked and masturbating with another guy and she didn't get mad or anything but just told me how "everyone experiments" or how most people try sexual stuff with the same gender. I figured that everyone was like me or that most adults had sex with the same gender, or wanted it, but they just didn't talk about it.

As a kid my mom would also catch me holding hands with my best male friend in public and just tell me how we could do that indoors but not to do it in public since people would stare at us and talk. Or when I would ride in the back of her car with a male friend and I would practically sit in his lap!

In Jr. high school I had crushes on some girls and some guys and I didn't know that's what they were but other people did or at least noticed my attractions, and people did think that I was gay.

When I was a teenager at 16 I could put a label on my attractions and that was bisexual. But I was also confused a bit because I didn't want to do anal sex at all with another man (or a woman), and I thought that you had to do it if you were gay/bi and that it was required when you have sex with men, since I'd seen it a lot in gay porn and almost every guy I knew then that is gay was into it or talked about how it was the most amazing feeling ever and I've tried it and it's not something that I enjoy at all.

I now know that this isn't the case at all and I'm not that weird for not doing or liking/enjoying anal sex since I'm not wired for it, and I can easily find men who are like me who don't like it or who don't do it at all or who see it as improvising heterosexual sex between two men.

When I first had sex with a woman at 19 I thought that it was nice but I knew that I wanted to have sex and a relationship with a man and even when I was a teenager I would think about 3 ways with a man and a woman where I have sex with both of them at the same time. Or when I was a closeted teenager I would think about how if I did wind up getting married/in a relationship with a woman I'd just cheat on her with men or how I'd probably wind up leaving her and the relationship for one with a man.

I also tried coming out to my mom and other people at 16 but they didn't believe me but then when I was 22 and told them about being sexually active with men they believed me.

When I was a closeted teenager/young adult I did get a bit depressed since I was worried that my family/friends would disown me but that is a moot point now since I am out to most friends/family and I've never had anyone have a problem with it.

I guess most people realize it when they first have sex with someone of the same/opposite gender or with both at the same time but I've known about my sexuality for a long time and having sex with men and women as an adult just confirmed what I always knew.

What role does your sexual orientation play in your life (other than the obvious)?

I once went to a bi discussion group just to meet new people and I didn't like it.

It was very small, very cliquey, very cruisy, and WAY too political for my tastes. I thought some of the other members there were a bit rude talking openly about who they'd slept with in the group.

I wanted to tell them "so what? Who cares who you've slept with? Why are you telling me, a random stranger? I don't want to have sex with you or your wife if that's what you're hinting at. Gay men have been having open relationships for decades and it's not a big deal and they don't talk about it like this, so why feel the need to talk openly about it to someone who you've never met before?"

A friend of mine also went to the group (at a separate time from when I did) and he also talked about how he thought it was rather cruisy too. We think that if people go to the group just to hook up or only talk about who they've had sex with in the group, or openly gloat/boast about their open relationship, that they should go online to tons of sites devoted to finding people to have sex with, or go to a bar.

I was talking to one guy in the group and asked him a question about himself, it wasn't anything personal or rude, and he didn't answer it and then just walked away in mid conversation/mid sentence to talk to some other guy about digital cameras. I also got bored with the discussion since there's only so much I feel like talking about bisexuality without beating a dead horse.

Also about the politics of the group I thought it was weird how a lot of people wore jewelry with the ick, tacky bisexual flag on it or how some people had tattoos relating to their sexuality or the fact that they're in an open relationship which I thought was rather self defeating.

I do go out to gay bars and hang out with friends and it's nice but I don't like the bars around here since they're REALLY cliquey and the one manager at a bar in a nearby town doesn't like my friend and is a bitchy dyke in general.

I'm also on dating sites and I've never really had anyone give me shit for being there or anything like that. I also don't feel out of place at gay/queer bars/dance clubs/events.

I also talk to both gay and heterosexual people about bisexuality and I don't feel bad answering their questions or anything that they ask me and I've cleared up people's misconceptions and stereotypes that they think.

Are you "out" to everyone or just a few people? What is your reasoning behind those choices?

I'm out to my parents, aunt, and my close friends. I also tell whoever I date or get into relationships with. I also tell whoever I date/get sexual with that I'm into BDSM but it's not necessary each and every time I have sex and I don't need it to have successful sex it's just icing on the vanilla cake.

I've also had friends or people who I'm in the process of becoming friends with just ask if I'm gay and that's usually how I wind up coming out to them unless they figure it out like I'll say that a certain woman is attractive to me or that a certain man is or I'll mention some of the men I've dated before.

Anything else you'd like to add/ask/share?

Is anyone else fluid in their attractions?

I'm either SO into men that I wonder if I'm homosexual and I have no desire to be with a woman sexually at all even if a woman is throwing herself at me, and the idea of having sex with a woman or seeing a woman's body naked grosses me out and is disgusting to me.

Then I go back to being totally equal and I'll crave/want male/male/female 3 ways.