Good question!

I'm in a het marriage. I guess, yes, I do feel partially closeted. I feel somewhat invisible and not "at home" in either the het or homo world. I feel as though I'm caught between a couple of different worlds. I didn't become aware of my bisexuality until after I got married, so that adds another layer to my strange parfait!

I'd love to hear other opinions/experiences.

Oh, if this post is somewhat non-sensical, please forgive me. It is FAR past my bedtime!

Yes, I'm married to a bisexual woman. Except for people who knew her in her bi group days in college, I think all of my wife's friends think of her as straight, and she has no interest in identifying publicly as bi anymore. So we never jointly talk about such issues with friends.

I'm out as bi (and poly) to somewhat more of my friends than my wife is. But many of my friends come from my professional acquaintances, and I don't tend to be out to them, mostly because there's rarely an opportunity for the subject to come up in a natural way.

I mentioned in conversation to various friends last year that I was traveling to another city quite often to spend time with a couple who were friends there. I kind of thought *someone* might ask more about that, and I'd have an opportunity to say that I was dating them, but no one ever asked, and I'm quite hesitant about volunteering personal details to people who may not want to know them.

So yes, I do feel more than partly closeted, and the lack of bi community in Chicago where I live makes it worse. On the other hand, the explosion of social networking, online dating, etc. makes it easier to make new bi friends, and also just reinforces that there's a lot of us out there.

We are both bi. She is out to her family, I am not. We are both out to a select group of very close friends, her more than me. Outwardly, and to most of our friends we are both straight and monogomous... although we DO have one friend who has (thinks she has, anyway) figured out that we are not as monogomous as we like to let people think...

It's hard. Period. Even in the Bay Area, where this sort of thing is de rigeur. The challenge in the Bay Area is that unless you are fully immersed in the alt/Burning Man/sex party/BDSM lifestyle, it is hard to make worlds collide holistically. Without all those external badges of belonging, it can be quite a challege. And I don't really feel like tattooing 'queer poly' across my forehead.

But finding queer partners who are open to the construct, and willing to open themselves as a partner seriously is more of a problem. I think swinging or casual sex or friends with benefits is fairly easy to come by, but the real deal is something I gave up on years ago, recently decided to explore again, and am ready to give up on, once again.

It seems easier when one is bisexual in a het marriage just to play casually, and continue to foster emotional connections with platonic friends. On the other hand, I do feel blessed to have the real deal with my husband, and am probably greedy for wanting to have my cake and eat it too. :-)

I'm a bi guy in a hetero relationhip. It's hard.
My partner is fabulous and I love her to no end.
Even though she knows I am bi she has not chosen to really experience it with me. We have super hot pillow talk and it ends there.
It's tough.

Years ago I had a one night fling with a guy I met in a bar (yes I was dating my lady at the time). The night was awesome... but th eguilt was terrible. I decided to tell her about it to come clean. In a way I thought it might push the door open and we could move on together. Instead it scared her and things went bad. I don't blame her. But then I don't blame myself either. I did it becasue I wanted to and frankly it was totally hot.

I love my lady but I know I'm missing out on a part of who I am.
Life can be tough.

I'd love to hear from other guys in the same boat becasue I know there are a lot more of us out there.

Why is it that society finds bi girls to be so hot and bi guys to be theatening or strange?

I met my wife, when I was dating another man. so, she knew the entire time. She's been fairly understanding, because she's also bi.

Being poly makes things much easier. you can have you cake, the pie, and even a torte.

yes i am and i dont think its the whole world's business that i am bisexual. i am out and proud to a point. my best friends all know, my husband knew and so does my immedaite family.
i say screw the world its not all of their business they are NOT sleeping with you!!!!!!
f** em and don't be so painful and said. the people whop actually matter know about you and still care so not to minimalise your pain but, brush it off like dirt off your shoulder, man. people are people, live for yourself and to heck with the rest!

I'm a bi woman in a hetero marriage. My husband thinks it's hot that I've been with girls, likes to see me with girls...but sometimes I'm not into women, and sometimes I am. It truly depends on the PERSON.
How does this affect me sexually? I'd like to have more sex with other men and women besides my husband, don't get me wrong, he's beautiful and sexy and yummy, but a little variety is good...but the jealousy thing gets him if I'm with another man, but not a woman - huh????
Sex is good all the way around, men or women. I've always been open with my husband about the bi thing, in fact, I told him I was really a lesbian just fucking him for fun when I met him...LOL...guess I wasn't really very lesbian at the time....; )
It does get sticky sometimes, as when a GF of mine fell in love with my husband...oops...telling me she loved me when she really loved him....what a fire that was to get out of...
Anyways, I think it would be easier if he was bi as well, maybe he would understand better, maybe not. It's not always about sex, but about energy you feel with a particular person.
My gay friends scoff at my het marriage, and I don't like it when they call me straight. But it's the easy path, the path well worn by society so we fall into it not questioning until later. When I got married the 2nd time, I was scared I was making a huge mistake, after all, I had just gotten away from a bad het marriage, fell in and out of love with a woman, then fell hard for another man. who knew...love is blind to gender, at least for me.
Us bi's are a queer bunch, we are unpredictable, I think people don't like that. When I speak of my ex gf's, my new friends get puzzled. When I speak of being attracted to some guy, people say, but your married? ugh! Doesn't anyone else have those thoughts? I know they do... Doesn't mean I act on them.

There must be millions of bisexuals in heterosexual marriages.

I didn't realize the extent until I started a discussion group for only bi married men on another site. Within a six months I have almost 250 couples in the group. This group is on a swingers website, so one can also see that about 50 percent of the women list themselves as bi.

Very few of the men do the same. An overwhelming number of them list themselves as "straight", as not to be ostracized by other couples
whose men are really straight.

The odd thing is that about half the men on the site have had or say they wish to have sex with men (mostly oral).

The women on the other hand are quite "out". For them being bi is a label and matter of prestige.

It is much easier for them, because their husbands enjoy seeing their wives "play" with other women. Infact, usually the women start the sex play to both gratify themselves and arouse their attending husbands.

My group is clearly an oasis for the couples with bi men even when their wives are staright. The wives love it as much as, if not more than the men.

MMF, FFM, FFMM and FMFM sex play are common discussions as are the best strap-ons to buy, or how hot the wives get watching their man with another man. Where else could a married bi male talk to another about how proudly he likes to suck dick, or how wonderful it feels to have a dick in their ass.

For the men it is the only place where they can be themselves. No angst. No guilt. Just being in a environment where they can share their fantasies and experiences is liberating for them. For many it is the first time they can express an identity.

Even though I told my wife I was bi before we got married, like many here I did not address any of those feelings until I turned 50 for fear of divorce, how it would affect my son, and the rest of our family. I started the group because I needed to know I was not alone, but also to "get it out". I couldn't take it anymore.

That's when we started to swing, and unlike any other solution swinging allowed me the freedom to express my sexuality and keep my marriage together. I should also say my wife is quite open and when presented with the possibility of also being able to act out her own sexuality she slowly but surely embraced the idea.

Now, she willing prefers sex with women more than with most men. As she tells me, "Don't expect me to have sex with a man you wouldn't have sex with." - and I do not.

Most often, when we are with another couple (and we are very picky), I have sex with the husband, and she has sex with the wife, and then we have sex with each other, unless on those rare occasions we both wish to have sex with our opposite partners.

This was our solution. Obviously it will not work for everyone, but it did for us so far.

From conversations I've moderated, I might suggest that for people who are dying inside you might suggest a threesome first, and see how your partner takes to the idea. Let them suggest what gender the third party should be, and go along with it.

Don't be pushy. Help them explore their fantasies. Take it slow. If it doesn't work well the first time, try again later - but be subtle.

If the idea is amenable work out the details together to make it a reality. You might be surprised to see which one of you takes control.

For me this was far better than doing anything behind her back.

If you "cheat" you will probably replace one guilt with another, and if you get caught - well you already know what to expect.

Much better to negotiate a solution that involves your partner's participation.

This idea of a Bi Community is one of the reasons why I am starting BlindPassion Lifestyles (some of you have received invitations from me.).

Because we are not monosexuals, I created a separate section (community) on the site specifically for Bisexuals, distinctly apart from Gays, Lesbians, and Transgenders.

Already I have been criticized by some, but I think it is extremely important that we have a place to discuss our own issues without fighting from a minority position to be heard and understood by a much more public, organized, and politicized majority.

We need a place to form our own identity. And though we have many political issues in common with the GLBT community, we are not monosexuals. That means sexually we are different.

The only way I can think of to create a community is to put us together, so we can share our stories, understand our unique circumstances, as well as support and play with each other.

I may be wrong, but I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is and give it a try.