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I have spent most of my life trying to hide from my sexuality... and even though I have come out to my dearest friends and spouse... I still am having issues dealing with it... probobly because I have no room at this point in my life to "experience being bisexual"... I just have finaly "come to terms with it" so to speak. I am in my mid 30's, married for a century, and have three kids (two are teenagers.) This is not an area of my life that I have shared information on with my children (as far as my personal feelings, experiences, history, etc...) And being that I am in the particular relationship that I'm in... with the particular person I'm with... there's no room for me to... have my cake and eat it too. But honestly... I sometimes wonder if I would have been happier with a woman... or if I would find it just as difficult to relate and be happy. Mind you... I am Bisexual, Bipolar, raised by a single Gemini woman (who was bipolar as well) and I am a Leo with a Gemini rissing as well as Gemini in several other houses of my astrological chart. Half the time I don't know if I'm coming or going... most of the time I seem to be able to roll with the punches... but lately... many unanswered questions seem to be spiriling around in the pit of my stomach and the for-front of my mind. Can anyone relate? I don't know many women that are openly bisexual... and I'm hopeing to gleen knowledge off of those who are in the same boat or those that have found their way to shore.
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I am not a woman, but I talk with them often. Some of the women I talk with most often are in your same boat. I have heard the questioning of whether greater happiness would have been found with the other gender many times. The conclusion from listening to others ponder this, often in painful times, is that some connections are easier one way and others the other but the most important features have to do with the particular other person much more than with gender per se. Gender always colors things surely.
It seems to me that any one relationship can not be expected to fill all the places you need filled. That a carefully chosen respectful mix is more likely to bring a reasonable level of satisfaction.
Making room, how ever that can be accomplished, seems to be the most productive successful approach.
Willy
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I'm an openly bisexual woman, long-term partnered, and even once upon a time married (but wow, it's been a while since the institution of marriage seemed useful or even adequate to my relationships). Of course, you can "experience being bisexual" by just having the knowledge inside you that you relate to women as people you could be attracted to or fall for, the same way that you could with men (or, in my case, because I'm not so binary in my thinking on gender - people of other genders). Or you can consider yourself "questioning" which is an orientation I really wish more people were comfortable with.
One of my past partners and now good friends went through something a bit like this, although at a slightly earlier age than you did. In her case, she initially was convinced that she was becoming a lesbian....she LOVED certain things about being in a relationship with a woman. As time went on, she found that there were also things she missed about being with a man, and in the end she broke up with me for a guy. I think a huge part of it was also that she wasn't poly (and I am - and I draw a careful distinction between being poly and being attracted to people of assorted genders. Just because you're one doesn't mean you're the other - far from it!)
If you'd like to talk more about it, feel free to private-message me. -
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I have to agree with Belle here, as an openly bisexual woman who has never been a monogamous relationship longer than a year and half, Belle is offering good advice. I'm not sure I could offer any thing more? If your in the bay area, there is a great support group in Berkeley for just these sorts of issues, specifically for bi women coming out, at the Pacific Center. I found it very helpful when I was coming out in 1991, and it's still there! There may be other support groups closer to you, if you live near any BGLT centers?
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